I've decided to start a little writing project where I type in a couple of paragraphs.
Today I was reading A Different Way to Respond When Kids Do Something Wrong from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, which Dacher Keltner founded.
Justice is a problem in the world, since retribution in kind and degree clearly makes things worse. We don't have 'eye for an eye' punishment for good reason. But so does shaming and blaming, as it misses out at a chance for healing between people as well as a chance to help the person learn the lesson about whatever transgression was made.
In the article, from the lens of parenting, it emphasizes restorative practices instead of punishments and blame. This emphasis allows the person to own up to the wrong and do what needs to be done to make things right. With freedom is this space, ‘this is what I’d do differently’ can become like a contract. There were a few pointers for talking to your kids, like using feeling based statements, I feel X when you do Y, thinking positively about the child while upset, and "forming a family circle, one member speaks at a time, everyone listens from the heart."
I liked the acknowledgment that practicing this requires some awareness when you are angry, and transforming it into sympathy - while maintaining the focus on correcting the behavior.